Well if so, have I got a hobby for you to try out! It's called being a college football fan.
In order to be a fan though, you have to commit yourself to a year round obsession. You will find yourself thinking about the sport in March, June, and unfortunately, during the fall. So before you dive in, here are some things to remember.
1. It's not fair. The sport does not allow for equalized budgets, meaning that the top 20% of schools have all the advantages.
2. People who are also fans, will be just as delusional and irrational as you. (in other words, you commit yourself to hanging out with a peer group of other idiots, just like you!)
3. There are so many teams, it's hard to actually know much about more than 5-10 teams. But don't you worry, each team has a blogger, a message board, and a fanbase that will be happy to tell you about them. Thankfully, these message boards give you an opportunity to convince everyone on earth that you are the only person who really knows what's going on! And now they are on your phone, so you can argue with other "fans" on the go!
4. When your team isn't playing games all winter and summer, you get to read stories. They are all the exact same story, you just transpose the player/coach names, and the university they represent. They will all tell you how excited everyone is, how hard they are working, and how this upcoming season is the one where State U actually reclaims its rightful place on top of the college football world. Mysteriously though, these articles disappear from the interwebs once the ball actually gets kicked off in late Summer.
OK, so now that you've for some reason decided you're in...let's check in on how everyone is doing nationally so far....mind you...this list is just after 2 games!
Nebraska- How's that working out so far? Remember how excited you were about having a professional staff full of NFL experience.
Rutgers-Players kicked off, coach in hot water for meddling, blowing a lead late to a bad WSU team at home!
Penn State-First loss in 50 years to Temple, NFL QB yet they can't score.
Texas-The eyes of Texas are upon you...because you suck.
Notre Dame-2 and 0!, but out of players! Have fun!
Auburn-Oh Auburn....OT against Jax State...Can't wait to see how many SE region writers still put them in their top 10 (see my note above about the articles written all winter and how they shape the polls)
Arkansas- BRET!!!! Talks trash out his belly button. Loses to Toledo at home! S-E-C !!!!
Boise St.-Gets cheapshotted all the way out of Provo...loses to a 38 year old freshman back up QB!
Tennessee-Hires Butch, because Dooley just couldn't win close games. Proceeds to continue losing close games in front of 105k fans with face paint on!
Maryland-All they need is Under Armor money...oh wait...NVM.. loses by 2 td's at home to Bowling Green.
South Carolina-The ole ball coach loses to Kentucky...2 weeks into the season, the good folks in the Palmetto State already know they are headed to 5 losses.
Colorado-Stay up until 2am to watch the team gag on the island. But remember, this is the year they were gonna get over the hump (um...no)
Wyoming-Hires the best FCS coach on the planet. Loses by a million to Eastern Michigan in Laramie.
Any my personal favorite-WSU....oh Cougs, you literally make being a Beaver fan tolerable. I hope you never, ever change baby!
Honorable Mention- (Virginia, Kansas, Stanford, Miami)
The best part of this "hobby" is that as bad as your team has it, there are SO MANY teams out there, that it is almost always true that someone else has it worse. And the real beauty of the sport is that you get to enjoy it when other teams lose. Ducks lose last night...what a great day! I'm back in for more next week baby! My favorite college football moments are the ones where a fan is sitting in the stands, face paint on, mouth open and assuming the surrender cobra position, looking heartbroken. He's had enough, he's done. Then January comes, and they get a sleeper recruit late in the game that proves next year will be the year!!!!
The more things change, the more they stay the same (h/t Cinderella). The bluebloods win games. The rest of us keep scraping together coupons to try and make next month's payment on the Mercedes.
In all seriousness, is there any rational reason to get on this ride? YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN. Why in the world do we do it? (I guess we're just masochists or optimists).
But we'll all be back next week. I can't wait to start reading articles about how good our beloved team will be next year!!!
In order to be a fan though, you have to commit yourself to a year round obsession. You will find yourself thinking about the sport in March, June, and unfortunately, during the fall. So before you dive in, here are some things to remember.
1. It's not fair. The sport does not allow for equalized budgets, meaning that the top 20% of schools have all the advantages.
2. People who are also fans, will be just as delusional and irrational as you. (in other words, you commit yourself to hanging out with a peer group of other idiots, just like you!)
3. There are so many teams, it's hard to actually know much about more than 5-10 teams. But don't you worry, each team has a blogger, a message board, and a fanbase that will be happy to tell you about them. Thankfully, these message boards give you an opportunity to convince everyone on earth that you are the only person who really knows what's going on! And now they are on your phone, so you can argue with other "fans" on the go!
4. When your team isn't playing games all winter and summer, you get to read stories. They are all the exact same story, you just transpose the player/coach names, and the university they represent. They will all tell you how excited everyone is, how hard they are working, and how this upcoming season is the one where State U actually reclaims its rightful place on top of the college football world. Mysteriously though, these articles disappear from the interwebs once the ball actually gets kicked off in late Summer.
OK, so now that you've for some reason decided you're in...let's check in on how everyone is doing nationally so far....mind you...this list is just after 2 games!
Nebraska- How's that working out so far? Remember how excited you were about having a professional staff full of NFL experience.
Rutgers-Players kicked off, coach in hot water for meddling, blowing a lead late to a bad WSU team at home!
Penn State-First loss in 50 years to Temple, NFL QB yet they can't score.
Texas-The eyes of Texas are upon you...because you suck.
Notre Dame-2 and 0!, but out of players! Have fun!
Auburn-Oh Auburn....OT against Jax State...Can't wait to see how many SE region writers still put them in their top 10 (see my note above about the articles written all winter and how they shape the polls)
Arkansas- BRET!!!! Talks trash out his belly button. Loses to Toledo at home! S-E-C !!!!
Boise St.-Gets cheapshotted all the way out of Provo...loses to a 38 year old freshman back up QB!
Tennessee-Hires Butch, because Dooley just couldn't win close games. Proceeds to continue losing close games in front of 105k fans with face paint on!
Maryland-All they need is Under Armor money...oh wait...NVM.. loses by 2 td's at home to Bowling Green.
South Carolina-The ole ball coach loses to Kentucky...2 weeks into the season, the good folks in the Palmetto State already know they are headed to 5 losses.
Colorado-Stay up until 2am to watch the team gag on the island. But remember, this is the year they were gonna get over the hump (um...no)
Wyoming-Hires the best FCS coach on the planet. Loses by a million to Eastern Michigan in Laramie.
Any my personal favorite-WSU....oh Cougs, you literally make being a Beaver fan tolerable. I hope you never, ever change baby!
Honorable Mention- (Virginia, Kansas, Stanford, Miami)
The best part of this "hobby" is that as bad as your team has it, there are SO MANY teams out there, that it is almost always true that someone else has it worse. And the real beauty of the sport is that you get to enjoy it when other teams lose. Ducks lose last night...what a great day! I'm back in for more next week baby! My favorite college football moments are the ones where a fan is sitting in the stands, face paint on, mouth open and assuming the surrender cobra position, looking heartbroken. He's had enough, he's done. Then January comes, and they get a sleeper recruit late in the game that proves next year will be the year!!!!
The more things change, the more they stay the same (h/t Cinderella). The bluebloods win games. The rest of us keep scraping together coupons to try and make next month's payment on the Mercedes.
In all seriousness, is there any rational reason to get on this ride? YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN. Why in the world do we do it? (I guess we're just masochists or optimists).
But we'll all be back next week. I can't wait to start reading articles about how good our beloved team will be next year!!!
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